my life as a Facebook status

I'm spending the evening home alone with the kids, so I've had some time for some interesting reflection. The most strange, or perhaps disturbing, realization is that I find myself thinking in Facebook status updates. Something (ordinary or unusual) happens to me and I start composing my memory as if I am writing my status. Complete with the "Tina Campbell is..." beginning. Perhaps this is how ordinary people are able to "Tweet" all day long. So here was my day:

7:30am - Tina Campbell is so happy that the boys were quiet til 7:30am since she had a kinda late (but fun) night out w/ the girls last night.

8:30am - Tina Campbell wonders how she is going to teach the boys that it's not ok to move the kitchen chairs all around.

9:00am - Tina Campbell is looking forward to talking to the 100 new Junior League provisionals very soon.

9:30am - Tina Campbell is frustrated that there's never open parking around the Junior League headquarters, and can't believe she left the bag full of parking meter quarters on the kitchen counter. ugh.

1:00pm - Tina Campbell has decided that although the splash park is fun, it is WAY too hot (90deg) to go all the way over to the park, so will do poop patrol and let the boys play in their little pool.

3:15pm - Tina Campbell wonders why the lady in the minivan waiting for her parking spot is throwing dirty looks her way as she walks the shopping cart back up to the front of the store. There are tons of close parking spots. Find a different one.

5:15pm - Tina Campbell is so proud of the boys at dinner tonight. William made some good progress holding a fork and Michael ate hamburger, pears, strawberries and cheese without getting any stains on his clothes!

6:30pm - Tina Campbell's poor little william must be getting more molars. cried so hard that he needed 15 minutes of mommy-snuggling to calm down before bed. good thing my arms are long enough that michael could get sympathy snuggling at the same time.

8:30pm - Tina Campbell thinks it's kinda weird that she has begun to think in the format of Facebook status updates. And at the same time is irritated with her husband for letting his phone break while he is on his fantasy football draft weekend away.

9:00pm - Tina Campbell has just realized that in 10 hours, the whole thing will begin again. So instead of writing about all the mundane things that happened, she is going to bed so she can dream about a day where the boys play nicely together without moving the furniture, the poop patrol is done by someone else and the dishes are washed by the elves. She is also hoping that whatever tooth prompted the meltdown has cut through by morning.

Terrible almost twos

Sixteen months and 5 days. That is how long I lasted with the two most perfect babies on the planet. On the 16th month +6 days, the perfectness came crashing down. At least 1/2 of it.

From the moment of their birth, I've known that William would be the one to push the boundaries. He's been chewing furniture since 6 months old, pulling on computer cords since he could make a fist (always), climbing on the couch for months now.

With climbing came standing up on the furniture and diving off of it. So the 1st two rules we've taught are "stay on your bottom" and "get off feet first". He's got both down like a champ. And he's really good at following the feet first (after a few head-first dives resulting in scrapes, bumps and bruises). But it is with great delight that he chooses to disobey on the sitting. Beyond just the fact that I don't want kids who stand on furniture, when he stands up on the loveseat, he's apt to stumble over the back onto the kitchen tile. When he stands on the couch, he pulls on and bangs the wood blinds. Not OK. So in the past week, he's had no less than 14 timeouts. All for giggling at me when he pops up and won't go back onto his bottom.

But even with his timeouts, although he fusses a little, he's still been a pretty sweet, fun little boy. Today, however, all has changed (either that or someone came in the middle of the night and traded babies on me).

For lunch, I made a yummy plate of cheese, chicken, avocado and corn, with strawberries and bananas for dessert. All their favorites. William (I call him that even though I'm still thinking maybe someone had replaced my kid last night) ate a few pieces of his lunch before very deliberately throwing pieces, one at a time, onto the floor. And by "deliberately" I mean - picked up a piece, held it up to me as if trying to feed me, snatching it and putting it toward his mouth, and then moving his arm out to the side and throwing it down onto the floor. With each piece of food. So I said all the things you're supposed to say to your kid when he's throwing food on the ground. And I gave him 3 tries. After the 3rd piece of chicken was tossed to the floor with one hand and a piece of cheese simultaneously tossed with the other hand, lunch ended for William. Imagine how jealous he was when Michael got to eat the rest of the avocado AND the strawberries and banana.

By dinner time, it was looking like Sweet William had returned. He sat on my lap to quietly drink his milk and then played in the kitchen while I finished up the mac & cheese. But when it came to getting into their high chairs...I am not sure who the child is who showed up. We got the full back arch, stiff legs (think light as a feather stiff as a board, but not light as a feather). There was no way I was getting him into this chair.

And tears - the great big alligator kind. And some of that hysterical crying I haven't seen since he was about 4 months old - the crying where he forgets to breathe and turns purple. So I put him on the floor and continued to quietly feed Michael (and I will say - I am pretty sure Michael gave me a "ha. I'm the good kid" smirk a couple times). While William clung to my leg like a squid. And cried. And screamed. Well, just like I don't want kids standing on furniture, I also don't want kids who eat while running all around the house. We eat at the table. Well, "we" don't, but we will. The boys do.

I'm not quite prepared to let my still pretty small kids go to bed without any supper. So I did bend him out of his stiff as a board pose enough to strap him into the seat for a few bites of mac & cheese and fruit. But I got no thanks for it. As soon as Dada got home, William was wrenching himself out of the chair into Dada's arms.

So I've now got this testing and pushing to look forward to. And as it seems to go in this house, I'm sure I wouldn't be too far off in guessing that as soon as William starts to behave, Michael will launch into his testing and pushing and trying of my patience phase.

I will still try to be fun mommy (with the boundaries), and when I have more days like today, I'll stick to my survival rules - deep breathing in the driveway, blaring Bon Jovi when I'm alone in the car, venting to my mother and, when all else fails, remembering I could be the Octomom.

some generally cute stuff from the boys

My camera is too slow to really capture these new actions on film, although I will keep trying. However, I don't want this phase to go by without recording this in some way, so words will have to suffice for now.

The boys are entering into the Months of the Mimic (which means I may end up having to wash my own mouth out w/ soap soon), in both words and actions. Other than the requisite 'Dada' and "Mama", neither of which is entirely tied to the person (although Dada is typically used when happy and Mama when sad), the first 'real' words to come from either of the boys was William's attempt at Uh Oh.

And I tell you, he uses it correctly and often. He says it when he throws toys out of the play area, throws his bottle on the ground, steals Michael's bottle/toy, and very carefully pitches his blanket over the side of his crib. But according to William, there is no "O" in Uh Oh. It sounds more like Uh oehhhh (where the oe is really one of those funny sound-letters) or Uh uuhhhh with the dot dot over the 2nd two U's.

Their newest action mimic is to "Oh My". Michael either squeezes his cheeks or covers his eyes. William covers his ears or his head. Sometimes Michael will do the action un-prompted, but more often than not, in perfect context (like when William smears food all over his face).

William's also clapping - he claps when we say clap, when we say Yay, when we say "good job Michael/William" or when we clap. He also claps for himself when he's decided he did a good job. Michael's learning to clap too, but he is a little more judicious. We've only seen him thrilled enough to break out the applause twice so far.

Now if I could only get them to mimic laundry folding...

My little monkeys

Several years ago, I was in a Mission Valley parking lot on a Saturday afternoon when I got a call from my brother, Chris. I'm fairly certain Chris had been watching football at Wills that day. Chris said "Tina, I think you should have a kid. And I will call your kid monkey. Then I can tell people 'I'm a monkey's uncle'."

So we had kids. And to support Chris, we decorated their rooms with monkeys. They have monkey toys, and for the first 6 months, nearly all their onesies had monkeys on them. Well, the evolution is complete. As of this week, I am certain they have evolved into monkeys!

Gone are the days where I was wishing that Michael would be just a little more engaged in playtime, maybe at least trying to crawl or pull himself up on my lap. Gone are the days when I would think "won't it be cute when the boys start really playing together." Oh no, now I wish "Couldn't they just sit quietly and read books." For yes, my children are now monkeys.

Last week, they DID start playing together. Michael crawled (yes crawled! on his hands and knees...not army style!) over to the fireplace, pulled down the basket of bibs that sort of 'hides' the allure of the fireplace, and I swear turned and winked at William. William promptly ran (yes ran!) over, climbed right up and started banging on the fireplace wall.

I am fairly certain that this is the conversation that Michael then had inside his head over the course of the week:

"Hmmm...that looked fun. I really want to do that. I mean REALLY. I have never REALLY wanted to do anything, but I REALLY want to do that. How can I? I mean, I don't even REALLY know how to crawl except a little bit. And I can't REALLY even stand up, unless I try hard. But Wow, I REALLY want to get up there. And bang. Oh, and there's glass that looks like a mirror. Oh fun. Oh I need to do that. How?" And then some crying ensues and Michael gets taken up for a nap.

Next Day: "Ok, I can't climb up there, but I think I can climb in other places. Like mommy's leg. And maybe on the toybox. And a little bit on my little chair but not really. Oh well, I will just suck my thumb instead."

And for about a week, these conversations rotate in Michael's head until one day...

"Ok, today when Mommy comes and gets me from my nap, I'm going to be standing up. I'll try and I'll try." And he did. In fact, he and William were both standing in their cribs on the near ends, reaching across the gap, holding hands and giggling when I walked in.

And when it got to playtime, he very decisively crawled (on all fours) over to the fireplace (where William had already removed the basket of bibs), and just climbed up. Like there was no struggle at all. And then proceeded to bang on the doors, gaze at himself in the mirror and 'invite' William up to join him.

Now I wish I could tell you that was the end of that story, but something this exciting and 'off limits' doesn't get boring too quickly. Neither does climbing on the couch and throwing toys into the kitchen (William) or diving off the furniture and fireplace (both). Or climbing into the back of the dump truck (William).

So Uncle Chris, you got your wish. You really are a Monkeys' Uncle.

Mommy dating

There are online dating services out there for nearly everyone - eHarmony, Match, J-Date, Craigslist even. There are not really sites out there though for 'friend dating'. Want to meet other gals to add to your social circle? Well, walking up to a girl at a bar and saying "hey want to be my friend" could really backfire on you...not that there's anything wrong with that. Want to add other moms to your mommy circle? Well, there are some solutions here - hospital or community sponsored mom's groups, gym and music classes, the park etc. But the mommy dating phenomenon is kinda strange.

We've been going to Gymboree Music for a couple months now. The boys love it. And they love the other kids - Wyatt, Samantha, David, Emily, Trevor. And the moms are really friendly - one got out my carpet squares for me the other day as I walked in with my arms full of boys. One commented on how much more wiggly Michael is getting (bonus points for remembering which kid was the 'low motivation' one, and knowing which kid was which - arms full, I missed nametags). One just laughed when William walked up and started squeezing her son's cheeks. And I know all sorts of things about their kids - first teeth, first steps, troubles with new foods, napping challenges, you name it.

But to this day, I have no idea any of the moms' names. In fact, this week, we followed one of the moms almost all the way to our house (I promise that it wasn't as creepy as that sounds). She waved at one stop sign and I said to the boys "Boys, wave to David's Mommy." So now I'm thinking "Hmm... David must live rather near us. It could be fun to get together with them at the park or Panera or something". But would it be weird for me to say to "David's mommy", after 2 months of music class, "Hi, David's mommy. I am Tina. Do you want to have lunch with me?"

The thing is - I have my friends. So I assume that other mommys do too. But just because I have my 'out with the girls' friends, doesn't mean that I can't make some mommy friends. I suppose the fact that these other moms are at Gymboree by themselves, not with a group of friends, could mean that they're also looking for some mommy friends. But then I think - I have mommy friends too. We just don't go to Gymboree together because our kids are just slightly different ages. But we also don't get together for lunch or park dates every week because we live all over the county from each other.

So...maybe next week at Gymboree I will say "Hi I am Tina". I may have to work up to asking another mommy out on a 'date', but maybe I'll get there.

Bathroom Humor Take #2

Same kid, new story. This is one I'm hanging onto in order to have ammo for embarassing my son in front of future girlfriends, football buddies, whatever.

This past Saturday, Uncle Kevin and I took the boys out for a fun afternoon of dining and shopping, returning in time for afternoon naps. The day started out a bit chilly, so the boys had donned cargo pants, long sleeved t-shirts and hoodies. But by the time we returned home, it was a bit warmer, so the hoodies were no longer needed. And for nap time, after clean diapers were being sported, neither were the pants. Or so we thought...

Fast forward a few hours to wake-up time. Nana and Grandpa had arrived and were happy to take over wake-up duty while I was getting dinner ready. I started to think that the wake up was taking a little longer than usual, but hey - they may have been a bit out of practice trying to re-diaper a squiggly wiggly kid. Then I heard some rumblings and maybe a little giggling as the crew returned downstairs. As they came to the bottom of the stairs, Nana said "We'll let Mike tell you the story." So here it is (paraphrased) -

Upon entering the bedroom, they were greeted by a smiling William, standing up, perhaps jumping up and down, in his crib. Pantsless (oh wait, you know that part already). Diaperless.

Said soiled (the messy kind) diaper had been strewn from the crib and had landed on the carpet (ick side up, I presume by the fact that my carpet is not stained). However, crib sheet and blanket were not so lucky. Additionally, it appears that William took joy in being as free as a bird, and wanted the world to know he is truly a boy. So he used this opportunity to (presumably while standing) pee all over his crib bumper. Awesome.

Two lessons learned from this mess:
1. whenever your kid is going to let loose, you better hope that Nana and Grandpa are the ones to catch it. (they stripped off all the offensive linens and got them washed before I even had to step foot in the scene of the crime. my only regret is that I don't have pictures to use for future bribery)
2. never let Uncle Kevin put the diaper on the kid right before a nap.

Potty training with this kid will either be easy as pie or the roughest experience of my life. Thankfully, so far Michael has not developed any potty obsessions...but I'm sure that's just a matter of time.

Bathroom humor

For this post, I must paint you a little picture - William is almost one. He's been standing for a few months now. In our family room, along the fireplace, we have a toy basket and a jumperoo. But it's possible to get between them and pull up along the fireplace. On the hearth, we have two baskets - one full of diapers and wipes, one full of bibs. (aside - one of William's favorite activities is to pull the bibs out one by one until they are all over the family room floor).

Lately, we've noticed that once or twice a day, William will crawl over to the fireplace, climb up and just stand quietly for a minute or two before crawling back into the middle of the room to play. Each time he returns to the middle of the room, he has a full stinky diaper. I have heard of kids doing this when potty training, but I guess I didn't realize it'd happen this fast.

Well, yesterday, while playing with Nonnie Connie and Nanny Nicole, William went over to his "potty" to do his thing. When he was finished, rather than just returning to play, he dug into one of the baskets and "walked" over to Nicole with a clean diaper to hand her. What a brilliant child!