Comparatively speaking

One of the longest running competitions in human nature is the "my kid did this before your kid" contest. We moms don't compete consciously. In fact, it may be our greatest intention not to brag or "compare" our children to others. However, it still happens. At lunch the other day I overheard one mom to another, both with infant strollers in tow. The first volley was simple - how old is your little one? Once established that they were within 2 months of each other, it started "Oh, I'm having such a rough time. My little Suzie just loves eating her vegetables. I feel like I am in the Gerber aisle five times a week." And then "Jimmy started crawling the other day and I am exhausted just keeping up with him." See, these moms are pretty subtle - they make it appear like they are complaining, but they are really establishing how advanced their little Jimmy and Suzie are compared to the "competition".

I've certainly caught myself doing the same thing "We've been so lucky that our boys have been sleeping through the night since they were 2 1/2 months old. But lately, they're waking up at 5:30am for a bottle before sleeping til 8:30. ugh." Ok, am I really really complaining that my kids are going to bed at 6pm and sleeping nearly 12 hours? No. I think I am probably bragging that, with the exception of a 15 minute pause, I get to sleep til 8:30!

Well, here is the problem with the comparison competition. I have twins. All the books tell you "don't compare your kids to other people's kids." Other than a few hours a week at the local cafe, I'm ok with this. Besides, I think my kids are perfect, so we would always come out on the winning side of the comparisons. But...between my two boys, who spend about 24/7 together, it is impossible to keep from comparing.

Most often, the comparisons are harmless differences. William is an observer, while Michael likes to be the center of attention. But now and again, having the two causes maternal worry and even a little internal (like inside my own head) competition.

William is way more mobile. At just past 6 months, he is already rolling across the floor (baby gates are now firmly in place), grabbing at the toys he wants (and scooting to the ones out o reach) and has exhibited some crawling moves. Michael is lazy.

Michael is way more vocal. He's been blowing rasberries and performing Flipper imitations for about 2 months now. He now wakes up to a chorus of "blah blah blah blah ba ba ba ba". William has just started the rasberries and the main time I get consonants is when he's really upset and cries "mamamamamamamama" (I refuse to believe that this is him screaming 'mama'. When they call my name for the first time, it will be with pure joy.) But mostly he just grunts as he's trying to reach for some toy or my hair.

Their pediatrician insists that they are both within "range" for their social and physical development. She agrees that Michael is a bit lazy, but doesn't think there's anything "wrong" with him. Just lazy. And she claims that it's likely that he'll shoot ahead one day just as easily as William may start reading Dr. Seuss out loud by his 3rd birthday. She also tells me to try hard not to compare them. Right.

I am pretty sure I'm going to be the mom that records the first steps of one kid, but by the time the 2nd one moves, it'll be old news. And the second "mama/dada" will just get lost in a flurry of words out of the mouth of the first talker. But I try. I try to remember when each hits a milestone. I try to encourage each of them to explore new skills and talents. And I try to be ok with one being a little faster or one being a little slower...after all, they are two different kids. I try hard not to compare, but rather to celebrate their differences and their accomplishments.

And when one is a bit slower than the other, I try to remember that they won't be babies forever, so I try hard to cherish their dependency upon me and enjoy them just being babies.